Friday, April 08, 2005

Stressed out

This week has been terrible. I feel so overwhelmed with all the different things in my life. I haven't been able to exercise, and I'm freaking out. Normally, exercise is what keeps me sane and calm. But after working 12-14 hour days and getting home at 9 or 11 p.m. from lab every day, I'm wasted.
And the few days I've been getting home at 6, I nap until 8, wake up, eat, take another nap until 11, tuck the bunnies in, and go to bed. I then sleep for 10 hours straight. What's up with that? Mono? No. Simple exhaustion.
I guess I should be happy. We're moving to San Diego. I have 5 interviews, one of which I know will be the right lab for me. My next committee meeting is set, after which, hopefully, I'll know when I'm defending. My mentor seems to be pleased with me overall, at least, today. She tends to be quite moody. My research is going well, at least, this week. Again, quite moody. Things are moving forward.
But I'm freaked out. Things are moving too fast, and I don't know how I'll be able to get it all done. 5 interviews in 7 days seems like a lot. Then, a committee meeting 10 days later. With an overnight triathlon (the one thing I'm looking forward to), squeezed in between.
What if I bomb the interviews (unlikely, I can reason)? What if we can't find a place to live? What committee tells me they don't know when I will finish and that we need to meet again in August to decide when it will be (my worst fear; just tell me August or December; I need to know a DATE). I hate this lack of control. What if my research doesn't go as planned (happens all the time) and things take much longer, and I don't have much to say to my committee in my progress report? What if all the work I've done to making my body awesome goes to shit, and I lose all my confidence, and turn into a big, amorphous blob?
God, I have a 1/2 marathon this Sunday, and I don't feel ready at all. I need to feel Raargh! I feel less then Mew. I have major pre-race jitters. I feel like curling up in a ball. When I woke up this morning, I didn't even know where to start with everything I have to do. Solution? I rolled over and went back to sleep.
All I can say is I'll be happy when May 10th is over.

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