I have so much on my mind. I can't focus. Part of it, I know, is that I'm not exercising enough and leaving too much time to think. All I can think about is San Diego, but that's not happening for almost 6 months. I don't want to waste 6 months of my life waiting for the future but I'm having a really hard time staying the present moment. I know it's all about the process of getting there but I really just wish I was there. That I'd already written my thesis and defended. Ugh. I have to do all that. So much pressure.
I feel like there's so many things I have to do that I'm incapacitated and overwhelmed. I don't know where to start. I do but I don't have the energy b/c I'm wasting it all on worrying about the future. I'm so excited it's maddening. I need to focus on the present moment.
I'm also in constant pursuit of the "perfect week." I know I shouldn't use that word b/c it's a very difficult standard to live up to but I can't help it. I had a perfect week once. About 3 months ago. I got everything on my lists done and had a Saturday wide open. Jason and I went out and did whatever we wanted spontaneously. The feelings of ecstasy and satisfaction were surreal.
And now I'm getting depressed because I'm not living up to these expectations. I keep falling short, week after week, and it's unacceptable. But it's Monday. A fresh start. Maybe this week will be perfect. Maybe I will be super-productive in lab, at home, and accomplish many things on all of my to-do lists (yes, I have several). Not only that, but I will accomplish all my workouts: 4 runs (1 of them long), 3 swims (1 of them long), 2-3 bikes (BFC ride this weekend), 2 weight-lifting sessions, and 1 Yoga stretching session. I can only hope. Or go crazy trying.
3 comments:
i know exactly how you feel...i get that way a lot...and this monday is no different...
of course i'm spending time blogging instead of doing my mini-preps, but oh-well. ;)
so, i'm feeling like crap today...got a croupy cough and am extra tired. i think i've got a small sinus infection. do you think i'm still ok doing my regular workout, or should i back off a bit?? monday is generally a cardio only day with tues, wed, thurs being my weight lifting days (combined with cardio). i don't want to slack off...but i also don't want to feel even more like crap tonight.
See how you feel. If you don't have a fever, and all your symptoms are from the neck up, it may be okay to work out. But if you're achy and tired, go to bed early instead. It might help you to feel better to do some light cardio today. Hope you feel better. ;)
but i'm good at complaining!! :)
i think i missed my calling in life...
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