Another Friday is here, and all I can think about is all I have to do. Remember the "Healthy Body Image" post yesterday. Well, I feel like I've taken a 180 today. I'm not perfect!
I feel very guilty about bingeing on Pepperidge Farm cookies (plus a giant, gooey chocolate chip cookie earlier), not exercising, and sleeping late the next morning (today) so I couldn't squeeze a workout in the morning. I hate when I can't control my temptations (sleeping in, napping at 5, bingeing on cookies). Seems like this is always what I resort back to; why do I constantly feel like I'm fighting it? Some days, I feel soooo good, and others, I feel totally helpless.
Today, someone brought ice cream cake--that was my lunch--way to ruin a new day. I had a total blood sugar crash later on. Ugh. I'm trying really hard to make each day a new day and not feel like I'm playing catch-up all the time. You can't make up for lost time, and it drives me crazy anyway. So I try to forget the slow days and take each day as a new day. But it's hard. Everything is such a battle for me. I'm tempted to do multiple workouts today. I can never be satisfied with just one good one. I always want to weight-lift, run, and then swim--in the same day.
Part of it is the whole triathlon-training thing. I guess I need to pull back and be consistent. Doing 1 good workout is better than doing 3 crappy ones. Also, I feel totally overwhelmed with a bunch but if it's just 1, I can look forward to it.
I'm afraid that if I don't spell everything out and just go with the flow, I'll give in to all these terrible temptations and become this huge, apathetic, lazy blob. I rely on this fear to drive me and motivate me. This fear partially explains why I get so much accomplished.
Just goes to show that even though I know in my head how I want to view life and myself, sometimes I can't control my emotions. Anyway, I really want to exercise tonight, but I'm stuck in lab right now. I have to do these experiments with massive amounts of radioactivity, and it freaks me out. And of course, I'm getting very exciting results, which means I have to keep doing these painful, tortuous experiments. I'm trying to slam a lot of coffee to ward off the nap I feel coming on.