I am feeling pretty good about myself. I can't believe the move is coming up in 3 weeks. I try not to think about it. I know I'm on the ball. I actually have anxiety about not having more to do. On the other hand, I feel good about keeping a routine, exercising, gardening, doing chores, and working hard in lab. I feel energized and have all-around good morale.
I've stopped logging in my food journal and counting calories. I am still trying to eat healthfully and limit my dessert intake but I don't need to obsess. I feel good in a bikini! I'm happy about how I look for the first time in a long time. I feel strong and fit and healthy. I know I could be in better shape but I'm in good shape and I feel I have something to work with. I'm not being as hard on myself.
I love the races I've been doing lately. I haven't cared about the times, and I've had a blast. I do them because they're fun. I've even been racing without a watch and I took the cyclometer off my bike (Guess what? I'm going faster!) Same with my workouts. I make them fun. I push when I feel strong and pull back when I'm tired. I listen to my body. I felt very tired yesterday and gave myself a night off. Otherwise, I know I'll burn out quickly and need more than 1 day. It's hard to train for 3 sports + weightlifting simultaneously. So I try to be realistic and do what I can. I still keep a training log and that really helps me keep it all in check.
I think it's important for women to try to love their bodies and not be so hard on themselves. It's such a messed-up, double-standard society we live in. We should appreciate our bodies for what they can do, not how they look. That's why I love exercise and training. It makes me feel good about myself and makes me listen to my body. After a hard run, if my body craves spinach, eggs, tuna fish, and ice cream (it's happened), that's what it gets!
For such a long time I obsessed about my body, my stomach, and what I ate. I was walking a thin line of having a body image disorder and eating disorder, and now I feel like I'm coming back from the brink. I know I can still go there when I'm stressed but lately, I've been very happy with how I look. I know others think I'm crazy. I'm 5'8" and 122 lbs. I do not need to lose weight, and I know this. I should be thankful for my body and enjoy it. I'm enjoying how strong and fast it is. I kick ass!