Monday, June 20, 2005

Going crazy. Running in circles.

I didn't feel so hot this weekend. I was exhausted. I basically slept for 48 hours. I went home Friday, went to bed at 7, woke up at 10:30, and then went back to bed at midnight. I woke up at 9, shuffled downstairs for some pancakes, went back to sleep around noon and didn't stir again until 7:20 that night. I finally at that time, vacuumed all the bunny poop off the floor and put sheets on the bed. I've been so tired and so out of it. I think I really exhausted myself.
Lab has slowed down. I think I've been working too hard. I need to pull back and regain balance in my life. I feel so out of it. Unfortunately, part of the reason things have been slow in lab is because nothing is working. My last orthophosphate labeling experiment didn't work, the new antibody BioMol sent me doesn't work, my last two transfections didn't work for some unknown reason (they're all unknown reasons), and all my cells are dying as they differentiate. So I have no cells. I don't know what's going on. Am I completely incompetent? Is it just bad luck? Am I screwing up, or am I working with crappy reagents? I have to be patient b/c it will take awhile to figure all these problems out. I don't want to lose all the confidence I had regained with my PI, and I don't want to lose my productive flow. I hope I can sort things out...and fast. I don't have any time to lose.
So I'm frustrated and trying to regain energy. Not easy. I did manage to go for a run yesterday. Apparently, I'm out of shape b/c it wasn't even that hot, and I almost puked. That sucked. I had to walk the last mile home. I also had to start over again on going a week w/o dessert. I fell off the wagon on Saturday. I have 4 lbs to lose since I've been enslaved in lab. I want to wear a bikini dammit!
Anyway, the bunnies have been very cute. We had a bonding session last night. Taz and Oscar like each other. They're cute. Oscar doesn't like Babs so much. He sat on her. Poor gal. Then Oscar buried his head in Taz's butt and tried to hide there. Hello, Oscar! Taz is less than 1/2 your size! We can still see you! Anyway, they all had fun. They crack me up. Now if I can just get back into a normal schedule, I'd be somewhat happier.


blake said...

Cheer up babe,
Things will go well for you, sometimes it just takes a while.

Kevin said...

I will second what blake said...hang in there. it will get better, and it sounds like from one of last weeks entries that you have had some success as of late.

just keep plodding along, and doing what you are able...dont stress about the things you cannot control. dont stress about the things you cant fit into your schedule.

it will all work out in time.

Rachel said...

Thanks for believing in me.