Saturday, June 11, 2005

Feel like crap

Have been pretty depressed reason for no real good reason. Stuck doing all sorts of things I don't want to do. My routine is shot to shit. Again. I don't get to do anything I want to do and I don't have time to do the things I need to do. And even if I did, I would still feel like curling up on the sofa and crying, which really freaks out Jason and the bunnies. I hate chemicals. I have no control.

5 comments:

G-Man said...

I've had many days like this. Often, if I really focus, I realize that the shit taking up space in my head is living rent free. You are at a time in your life where your mind and body are being expected to put out 110%. And to make matters more challenging, you have a brilliant mind and an athletic body. It has been my observation that those intellectually gifted suffer more with depression.
It also seems that beautiful people (and you are one) may have more difficulty interpreting their physical realities because others who interact with them tend to behave differently. You can think about how, if you want.
Try not looking too far ahead, except to matters that must be addressed (i.e. school stuff). Absorb some of the beauty around you...look at those wonderful gardens of yours and enjoy all the amazing colours and textures. And no one need remind you of the joy given unconditionally by all of the animals you love. Be kind to yourself...you've earned it just by the love you have given to the many animals that have touched your life.

Rachel said...

Thank you so much for your kind words. They do make me feel better. I know that I overwhelm myself. I know I pile on and pile on and pile on. I do the impossible for awhile, and then, my mind rebels, and forces me to rest. This culminates in crying on the couch. I know what causes it, and I've been trying to establish a routine to prevent this. However, recently, there is so much pressure to get more and more done, and I feel completely out of balance. I'm going at a speed I can't sustain. I'm going to have to slow down and put myself into a more structured and balanced routine. Oh, and I had dropped my dosage of Lexapro down a few weeks ago, thinking I could handle it on the lower dose. Obviously not. I went back to the higher dose this morning. However, I hate how my rational brain knows exactly what's going on, yet my emotional brain doesn't give a shit. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

Kevin said...

I am sorry that you had a crappy weekend. crashing from being overcomitted and feeling out of control sucks...I have been there. actually I was just there myself a couple of weeks ago.

I hope things are better for you now. I will pray for you this week.

Rachel said...

No, I still feel like crap today. Headache that won't go away. Low energy, low mood. I think I sprained my right hand and I appear to be bruising very easily.

Mon said...

I hate when you get a routine set, and something messes with it. I am not your typical Saggitarius in that respect. I like to plan. I get upset when I cant do the things I plan to also.
Their your feelings, and you are entitled to feel them, that is really all you can do. It's good every once in a while to get it all out. Sorry you were feeling bad!! It makes you stop and think, you are only human. Sometimes getting back in touch with your feelings is all you need to get back on track! I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you for the kind words on the passing of my little Bitsy. You, having bunnies, understand their more than animals that are kept in cages, their part of the family, with their own little personalities.