Rachel Needs... (comprehensive)

This is what happens when I type the above in Google. It's fun. Try it with your name!

So true, so true:
1. Rachel Needs Money.
2. Rachel needs to stop being so loud. (my personal favorite)
3. Rachel needs to learn to edit herself a little.
4. Rachel needs some writing done.
5. Rachel needs a bit of fuelling up in the evenings.
6. Rachel needs a couple more desserts.
7. Rachel needs to focus.
8. Rachel needs to be commended for staying calm in the midst of the storm.
9. Rachel needs some motrin!!!
10. Rachel needs to sleep
11. Rachel needs a MIRACLE! Does anyone know where to order one???
12. Rachel needs a proper career.

Ha Ha Ha Ha!
1. Rachel needs a good time with a black sheep like himself.
2. Rachel needs an escort for a charity ball.
3. Rachel needs the drugs.
4. Rachel needs another huge hit.
5. Rachel needs to know that she is not alone in her hallucinatory world.
6. Rachel needs oiling!
7. Rachel needs to let em out but she doesn't so we just see nice bra shot.

Ouch! That hurts!
1. Rachel needs a sign for her hips that say Wide Load.
2. Rachel needs to lose a few kilos, especially on her double chin.
3. Rachel needs to shut the hell up.
4. Rachel needs to stop acting like a brat.
5. Rachel needs a shower.
6. Rachel needs someone to bring her down to earth, not put her on a pedestal.
7. Rachel needs to grow up- ZING! ...
8. Rachel needs a diaper change.
9. Rachel needs someone to call her on all of her self-centeredness.
10. Rachel needs to wise up a little bit. Sometimes she almost seems stupid.
11. Rachel needs to stop kidding herself.
12. rachel needs to get over it.

Mental health issues:
Relaxing/Happiness--
1. Rachel needs time to chill out.
2. Rachel needs to hide out for several months.
3. Rachel needs distraction and action.
4. Rachel needs an escape route.
5. Rachel needs to lighten up and have some fun in her life.
6. Rachel needs a good laugh.
9. Rachel needs to buck-up.
10.Rachel needs to be sure her humor is not lost.
Deeper Meanings--
1. Rachel needs to just be understood.
2. Rachel needs to find out who she is.
3. Rachel needs to get her life and herself together.
4. Rachel needs to do some serious soul searching.
The truth hurts--
1. Rachel needs constant attention and help.
2. Rachel needs to be an only pet.
3. Rachel needs to feel like the victim all the time.
Insanity--
1. Rachel needs to be rooted to the ground and is afraid to leave her basement.
2. Rachel needs therapy.
3. Rachel needs to be locked away into a mental institution.

How pathetic am I?
1. Rachel needs your prayers!!!!!!!
2. RACHEL NEEDS YOUR HELP!
3. Rachel needs around-the-clock care.
4. Rachel needs help from her friends.
5. Rachel needs much more help than either or both of us can regularly provide.
6. Rachel needs lots of supervision.
7. Rachel needs a lot of TLC right now.
8. Rachel needs protection now more than ever.
9. Rachel needs a friend.
10. Rachel needs guidance and normal supervision.

Health issues:
1. Rachel needs medical treatment for pyelonephritis.
2. Rachel needs to have a Bone Marrow Donor.
3. Rachel needs to go to the hospital.
4. Rachel needs a kidney transplant
5. Rachel needs A-negative blood platelets!!!
6. Rachel needs surgery

Just plain random (but hysterical, nonetheless):
1. Rachel needs to have blush that is very bright and colorful.
2. Rachel needs to squeeze that turnip some more.
3. Rachel needs to be killed by the Joker.
4. rachel needs to get on her boot camp workout.
5. Rachel needs to duck to make it through this doorway.
6. Rachel needs special mention for getting her ass out of bed when everybody else was busy sleeping their hangover through, and running to the park, merely armed with bright coloured ribbons, landmines, barb wire and a pack of mean German shepherds.
7. Rachel needs to wear some armor in this line of work, because the venus flytrapsshe produces don't exactly favor plain old flies.
8. Rachel needs a smaller accordion.
9. Rachel needs to meet a very hot poker and wear a dunce cap.
10. Rachel needs private sponsors to cover her pageant entrance fee.
11. Rachel needs money for hair extensions, and Kmart just isn't goingto do the job.
12. Rachel needs to free herself from the tight bondage if she plans on stopping THE IMPOSTER!
13. Rachel needs plenty of time to play house, sing to her dollies, color, dress up,and create play dough buffets.
14. Rachel needs her some dance lessons.
15. Rachel needs to develop more and start kicking some supernatural [stuff] insteadof getting caught in traps all the time.
16. Rachel needs help when she enters Manhattan's meat-packing district to help three transvestite hookers find out who murdered one of their friends -- and whether one of them might be the next victim.
17. Rachel needs to bitch slap her a good one!!

It's scary how accurate some of these are! (The Internet knows all....)