Tuesday, August 02, 2005

pool on timing of my nervous breakdown

There's a running pool in lab on when I'll have a nervous breakdown. After weeks of build-up to the party, the party itself turned out to be anti-climatic. Oh, well. I'm trying to get beyond it. You can drag a horse to water.... At least I have a cute little inflatable swimming pool to lounge in now. At least I got to wear a cute outfit and dress up. And the food, drink, and spinning disco ball was awesome, even if no one would dance and everyone left early.
My sister and I had such a blast. It's so neat to spend time with her and have fun as young adults. I loved going shopping with her and going to the Chocolate Bar. She did an aweseme job hanging the balloons for the party. I miss her a lot. I hope she comes and visits me in San Diego.
After she left on Sunday, everything kind of hit me at once. I felt so depressed. I was so tired from lack of sleep. And overwhelmed. I missed my sister and was still kind of bummed about the party. I realized that we were moving in a week. And that Jason would be leaving. My world was spinning.
I've been pretty freaked out since then. I'm finally caught up on sleep so I'm a little more rational (the Lexapro helps too). But I keep screwing up in lab, and I have so much to do that I don't see how it's possible to be done in December. I'm supposed to set a date for the defense this month, but I'm supposed to submit a manuscript first, and I'm still waiting for adipocytes to differentiate, and I'm dependent on this other stupid asshole grad student that my PI decided to put on this project to do the experiments that the paper is waiting for. Every time I express my interest in getting it done quickly, he gives me the run-around and doesn't seem to care or understand my situation. So I'm left wringing my hands. Plus, my other project I'm working on is very exciting but is too big for one person (good and bad, I suppose). And, on top of it all, I keep screwing up!
I can't believe we're packing up the house this weekend. I feel so anxious. I just want to go home and pack. But lab is so busy! I'm freaking out. I'm totally out of my routine after my sister's visit, and that just makes me feel worse. So exercise hasn't happened, and that makes me feel like crap.
Everything is happening too fast. I knew all this was coming so it's not a surprise. What is a surprise is how it hit me all at once. I think I'll feel a lot better after I get into action and start packing up the house and feel more in control. I crave control. I have none right now. I know it's normal to feel the way I do given my situation, and I take comfort in the fact that if I didn't freak out now, I'd store it up and break-down later. In other words, it's okay to be depressed and anxious. But it's not easy.

1 comment:

Lexapro Prescription Information said...

My name is Lisa Carter and i would like to show you my personal experience with Lexapro.

I am 39 years old. Have been on Lexapro for 2 years now. This medication had an almost immediate positive effect on my life. Within 2 to 3 days of starting Lexapro, there was a noticeable lift in my general mood. A WARNING ABOUT STOPPING OR WEANING OFF LEXAPRO: I started taking 10 mg daily a couple of years ago for about 2 months, then decided I just didn't want to take medicine every day. So I weaned myself off over a 2-wk period, first reducing the dose to 5 mg/day, then 5 mg every other day before I stopped altogether. I figured I would be able to tell if my mood was going downhill and I would just restart if it did. Well, there was no gradual decline. I was careful to monitor my mood and thoughts every day and everything went great for about 3 months, then C.R.A.S.H!!! I mean it hit me like a WALL, very very suddenly! Despite exercising 4-5x per week, healthy eating, etc., I hit an all-time low.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
Constant dull headache, jittery in the morning if taken before bed, dizziness. These negative side effects subsided within a week or two. Other side effects have continued, including sleepiness and yawning, apathy, vivid (but great) dreams. My libido died and never came back.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Lisa Carter

Lexapro Prescription Information