Life goes on

Today is a hot, humid day in St. Louis. Mid May is that funny season in the midwest, somewhere between spring and summer. Sprummer? It's going to be a sweltering 90 degrees today. We've turned on the a.c. Here comes summer.
The plants seem confused. Dry husks have replaced the dazzling yellow daffodils. The rosebud tree swapped its pink petals for broad, green leaves several weeks ago. The irises and azaleas are being replaced by summer lilies. The last few remaining petals from the flowering trees have fallen and line the cracks of the sidewalks like summer snow. The lilacs are still blooming. The peonies have just started. The mysterious columbines are still showing off their unusually-shaped tentacle-like blooms in a multitude of colors. The clematis vines are covered in buds, and the climbing roses have exploded in yellow, softly perfumed, petals. The fragrance in the humid air is thick and heavy.
I breathe it in eagerly, only to sneeze several times. Bring out the Flonase and Zyrtec! It must be spring. Courting season has been replaced by breeding season. The male robins have staked out their territory and no longer offer a cool politeness to other bachelors. Ducks waddle in pairs, caring for their nests. I spotted a family of Canadian geese. The babies were surprisingly large and must have been one of the first goslings born this season. I gave out a big, "Awwwww," as I jogged past. The mother puffed up her feathers with pride. A very cute family.
How did it get to be mid-May? Spring is my favorite season. The garden is calling. Time to get outside again. I've already been bitten by the season's first mosquito. Ahhh, summer in St. Louis. Well, it will be my last so I should enjoy it.

from Leno's headlines. The definition of irony. 

elation

My meeting was awesome! Everyone was so supportive and gave very helpful suggestions. I gave a great talk (if I do say so myself). The committee was impressed with my progress and gave me the freedom to explore the project I'm so excited about. They also said I could defend in December without any more meetings! Yea! My P.I. is proud of me and happy with me, and it's the best feeling in the world. Lots of work to do between now and then but I'm fired up. Plus, I'm going to get balance back in my life again, even though I'll have to work at it.

the show must go on

With chair or without chair, I am proceeding with the meeting. My mentor has agreed this is the best plan. The program coordinator had no problem with it. I will still have to meet with her separately and go over it all over again, but at least I get the big nerve-racking part over with. Just a few hours to blast-off now.

Sucks big hairy monkey balls

I'm so ticked and tired right now. Trying to get pumped up for my big committee meeting at 1 this afernoon, and my committee chair called in sick. It took months to find 1 DAY in a 2 MONTH period to find a time when 5 out of the 6 people could meet. I made everyone revolve around the chair's schedule b/c I figured she was most important, and now she can't even be there. I'm waiting for the program coordinator to call me back to tell me if I have the minimum number for a meeting, and I can even HAVE a meeting without a chair. I'm pissed. I've counted down the days to this day b/c I've been pushing so hard, and all I want to do is relax a bit. I'm all dressed up and prepared and ready to go. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. This sucks big-time.

Excited and scared

This is so nerdy but I don't care. I am so excited about my project right now. I feel I'm on the verge of discovering something big. I'm so nervous and scared b/c I've been burned before, but I'm using what I've learned from my mistakes and proceeding cautiously. I'm doing controls. I'm ensuring consistency and reproducibility. I'm scared b/c I can't prove that the results aren't real. What if it's real?! This is something new that has never been done before. I feel I might have a choice. I've been working so hard, and it may work out for me. But I'll have to stay in St. Louis longer and work very hard. I don't care. It's worth it. I'm just scared I'll fall on my face. I need to make sure it's real. My excitement is fueling my energy and productivity; it's also exhausting me. My committee meeting is tomorrow. I hope they're excited as well.

Lazy Sunday

I did absoutely nothing all day. It was fantastic. I slept in, woke up, drank coffee and laid on the couch and finished reading a good book. (Another item on the wish list crossed off. Go me!) Jason went out for a run and invited me but I opted to take a nap instead. We ate subs and sundaes for lunch and then ordered thin crust cheese pizza from Domino's for dinner. I haven't eaten pizza in about 6 months. It was great. I did the minimum amount of work in lab to get me set for the week. I'm working a bit on my presentation for Tuesday but I feel primed and ready to take on my committee. I think it will be okay. And I can get my life back aftewards.
I came to a realization today. My current exercise goals are set too high to accomplish alongside of my current academic goals. I feel overwhelmed by everything so instead of chipping away at things, I feel incapacitated. I realize that, for now, my exercise is more about fun, health, and fitness and less about performance and competition (which is how it should be anyway, right? I mean, who am, some Olympic great?).
So I've decided to simplify and make things easy for me until I get back on track and into a routine. Instead of trying to do it all, I'm focusing for right now, on what I enjoy most--running. I can put some shoes on and pop out the door, toast some calories, pacify my mind, and be back within an hour. So I'm going to focus on running and strength training for now until things calm down and my body plateaus. On recovery days, I can go for a fun bike ride or swim. But I'm not doing any more triathlons until next season so I will begin a long base-building year. Right now, I'm just going to run. I can add the other things back in slowly as time progresses. Any thoughts on this idea?

Lull before the storm

Today was the first relaxing day I've had in a long time. After a grueling day/night in lab, I got home at 11:30 last night and basically collapsed. I slept like a log until late this morning. Had great wake-up sex, and then rolled over and slept for a few more hours while Jason went grocery shopping. Awesome. Woke up to coffee and pancakes (also courtesy of Jason). Vegged with a magazine, a book, and the t.v. until around 3. Decided against taking a nap, got dolled up, and dragged Jason out to the mall. Got the shopping out of my system, and got a ton of neat new clothes to fit my idealized vision of dressing more professionally for lab to appear more like a post-doc and less like a graduate student. Also did some killer damage at Eddie Bauer for Jason. The wallet is now empty but I have shopper's high so it's all good. Then, we watched a movie...in the theatres, which is rare for us. Now, I'm taking a quick peek at my cells before heading home to relax. I guess I wish I'd had time for a workout, but I've been so stressed, I felt I owed it to myself to give myself a break for 1 day. It feels good. I have a little anxiety and guilt creeping in now for having so much fun today. I'll make up for it tomorrow. At least now, I can look cute for my committee meeting Tuesday. And I got some of the top things done on my wish list! That's gotta count for something.

This week's list of most desired things:

1. Sleep
2. Shopping
3. Go out to the movies and eat a big tub of popcorn and Reeses peanut butter cups
4. Snuggle with the bunnies
5. Run, bike, and swim and not feel like such a pudgy, fat cow
6. Sit in the garden and read
7. Wear a bikini just for the hell of it and feel confident in it
8. Visit the botanical gardens and the zoo
9. Take naps in the sunshine and wake up with plenty of sunshine left in the day
10. Be able to wake up at 6:00 a.m. feeling refreshed and ready to go
11. Have a productive, diverse, and balanced day
12. A day without any plans
13. Eat chocolate See's candies and sourdough toast (San Francisco, of course) to my heart's content
14. See my sister
15. Walk to the Central West End and get ice cream at Ben & Jerry's
16. Be able to go for a run after dark without worrying about safety
17. See George one last time
18. Swim in a lake and then have a picnic
19. Have a BBQ on the patio
20. Read a book and drink tea with the buns on the porch as the sun sets (w/o mosquitoes)
21. Get all dressed up for the hell of it and finally go to one of those parties Carlos keeps inviting me to
22. Spend a rainy day at the bookstore drinking coffee and reading
23. Make it be winter again so I can cuddle inside by the fire and take it slow
25. Sing
26. Confirm AMPK-induced phosphorylation of my favorite protein
27. Try out a new restaurant and drink a good glass of red wine. That's enough to make me a little drunk. ;)
28. To rent a bunch of movies and take a "vacation" but not go anywhere
29. To not feel so guilty about everything all the time
30. To fake my death to everyone except those close to me and escape from all responsibilities

Obviously, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. B.t.w. I'm still in lab. I just wish I could stop time and attend to myself for awhile. Once I feel ready, I'll rejoin the world again. How did time start speeding up so quickly? How has it been 5 years since I started graduate school? What happened?

still here

Lab meeting went well but I'm stuck in lab again. I just want to go home and sleep. Is that too much to ask? The coffee isn't working anymore.

Holding out 'til Tuesday

Once I have my committee meeting Tuesday, I can control the speed of experiment a little bit better. However, I was here until 3:30 a.m. last night. I'm pretty tired. I have to somehow give lab meeting in less than 2 hours. I just hope the protein purification worked. I'll ransack the lab if it doesn't.
The bunnies were sweet and concerned when I got home last night. They sense I'm stressed out. And I have a wonderful husband who's been pulling me through this. He brought me dinner last night and woke up to come get me in the middle of the night when I was finally finished. He also cleaned the house and has been taking care of the buns. I'm really lucky to have someone so supportive to come home to. It's going to be really hard when he leaves for San Diego in August, and I have to plow through and finish out my thesis until December in St. Louis.

Frustrated

The dreams have begun. I had one about bleeding from my mouth and not being able to get it to stop. That's gotta mean something. Then, I had one last night that my thesis defense had been decided by my P.I. and was going to be TOMORROW. And, of course, I wasn't prepared, and I was upset b/c I wanted to do a good job and not half-ass it.
I got home real late last night, gorged on Boston Market and went to bed. Now, I'm stuck in lab again. I really want to get out and do some goddamn exercise, but the stupid columns are running like molasses. I have to stand there in the f*cking cold room and pull it through with a 1 mL syringe. And I have 35 mL. I'm freezing and cranky. I'm definitely not passing the flow-through a 2nd time. Screw it. Once better be enough. Stupid protein. It better not be degraded, or I'm kickin' it's ass. This better work!
Okay, sorry. Protein purification puts me in a bitchy mood. Plus, I'm majorly PMSing and can't stop eating chocolate. I feel like a fat hog. A good run would set it straight but I think I'm condemned to the cold room tonight. Dammit!
After my committee meeting Tuesday, everything will get better. Just gotta make through Tuesday...

Feeling the crunch

I've got the productive bug. I was able to have a great bike ride on the trainer. Love that iPod. Then, I made a nice cup of tea and studied until 1 in the morning. Oops. Past my bedtime. It was good. I got all sorts of good ideas and had an awesome meeting with my P.I. today. Things feel good. Still in the planning mode, but things are about to get crazy. I need to get some more data before my committee meeting on Tuesday. At 1:00 p.m. I'm sort of nervous about it. Not a lot of time to prepare. Come on, adipocytes. Differentiate! Puh-lease!

Getting back into it

I've taken some down time to focus on lab and interviews. I feel like a cigarette smoker now that I'm starting up again. I've definitely lost fitness. My lungs burn and ache when I run. It sucks, but I know I will get there again. Generally, you lose fitness 2x as fast as you gain it. B/c it's been about 6 weeks of a steady decline, I can expect at least 12 weeks to get back to where I was as long as I take it slow and watch out for injury. It's tempting to push it b/c I remember where I was, but I know I will kill myself if I jump into it too fast. I'm trying to be steady and consistent.
I was doing 2-3 workouts a day before. I tried to do that yesterday, but I was too sore. So I'm content with 1 good quality workout a day for now until I'm less sore. Remember that workout Sunday? I thought I wasn't sore? Hah! I was screaming in pain last night. It felt like I had just finished a 12 mile run!
However, I went for a nice 4 mile run yesterday. I took it slow and accepted that I wouldn't be able to go as fast. It was a bit harder but doable as long as I didn't try to go too fast. I had to let people pass me. It was annoying b/c a few weeks ago, I would have been passing them. Oh, well. That's how it goes sometimes. I was going to do a bike ride last night but was too sore so focused on ironing instead. At least I was productive!
I'm accepting where I am right now. I'm refocusing on getting into shape, getting into a routine, and staying there. It will give me energy and confidence that I need to graduate. Lab is my first priority. There's always next season. It's about knowing when to push, and knowing when to back off. These are important lessons for the obsessive-compulsive people like me. I'm learning a lot. I know there are many others who have to take unforseen breaks in their exercise regime. Everyone has to once in a while. It's not the end of the world. Stay tuned and join me as we get back into it. We'll get there. One step at a time.

Heading outside

Okay, you've been a gym rat all winter, and now that spring is here, you want to take it outside. It's very easy to do and makes it much more convenient so don't be afraid to enjoy the nice weather! Here are some things to remember:
1) Sunblock, hat, and sunglasses. The sun can be brutal.
2) Cell phone for emergencies.
3) Fuel belt with Propel or similar drink for hot days.
4) In the heat of the summer, St. Louis humidity makes even standing outside unbearable. Heat stroke is a real problem. These are the days you should consider taking it inside. Or, try to work out early in the morning when it is the most cool. Take it slow. It takes your body about 2 weeks to a month to adjust to the heat and humidity. Give it time to adapt.
5) Running on the road is much tougher on your joints than the treadmill. To save your joints, try running on dirt, gravel, or grass. If you have to run on roads, do it slowly and watch the mileage. Do your shorter runs on the road and your longer roads on the treadmill for awhile to get used to it. Slowly increase the mileage, backing off if you feel aches or pains. I always alternate treadmill with road runs to avoid knee pain. It helps a lot.
6) Open water swimming is much more fun than pool swimming, but it's harder too. It's like running on an uneven surface. There can be currents and waves. Make sure it's safe and try not to swim alone. Know where you're going and sight often to keep on course.

Have fun! Going outside is soooo much better.

Buying your first bike

One of the hardest things about getting into triathlons is the bike. If you're not used to biking, try to rent a bike or try out a friend's before committing. Is this something you're going to love? I had a crappy, commuter bike that I ride to and from lab. I love that damn bike. I tried going around the park more and riding out on that for awhile. I loved it, but wanted something that was a little faster. My bike felt like a mule. I wanted a Thoroughbred.
I checked out all the bike shops, read the bicycling magazines, read the chat and message boards about bikes, and tried out a bunch of bikes. I decided on a road bike since it would be very suitable for triathlons but also for general biking as well. They make triathlon-specific bikes, but they are more expensive, less comfortable, and only should be awarded to the more committed triathlete (in my opinion). I decided if I got serious, I could always take my bike to the bike shop and get it fitted for aerobars (I don't like the simple clip-ons b/c you should shorten the top tube and adjust the stem for the different position. Your back will thank you.)
They have all sorts of road bikes. It was overwhelming. Touring, racing, etc. My price range was about $1000. I wanted the bike with the best components (gears, shifters, etc.). A lot of bikes can be very similar since they are often made by the same manufacturers. Raleigh, Specialized, Pacific--all made by the same people. I eliminated Trek and Cannondale b/c I was paying for the label and getting lesser qualilty components for my price range. Plus, I didn't find them all that comfortable. I really liked the Specialized Allez (my father owns this bike now). I also loved Bianchi--what a smooth ride. But it was more of a touring bike, and I feared the steel frame would weigh me down. But, oh, I may lust after that in the future for a century ride. Then I found Felt. Not as well known but has a good frame and good components. I liked the feel of it a bit better and decided on this bike for my first road bike. I've been very happy with it.
My advice is 1) find a good bike shop with knowledgeable, friendly, helpful people. They shouldn't intimidate you and should be excited to get you involved with biking. The staff should all be bicyclists too. They should offer free tune-ups of bikes you purchase from them and should stand behind their products. Your local bike shop will be your best friend. I bug my local bike shop all the time. They're great.
2) Try the bike you're going to buy. Try it a few times. Compare it to several others. Buy the bike that is most comfortable for you.
3) Have the bike professionally fitted to your body. The bike shop should do this free of charge (see #1).
4) See if your area has a bike club that sponsors fun rides. This is a great way to meet other bicyclists and go on rides where you don't have to worry about where you're going or break-downs.
5) Be safe. Cars aren't always respectful of bicyclists. Wear a helmet. Bring a water bottle and a repair kit. Know how to change a flat. Always follow the rules of the road. You are vehicle on the road and should follow the same laws. You can get cited for running reds or stop signs.


Hope this helps! Have fun!

View of Pacific from Torrey Pines State Reserve (north of San Diego, near UCSD). (B.t.w. I didn't take this photo). 

hot female athlete of the week: Jennie Finch--pitcher for the Olympic U.S. softball team.  

Making major decisions

I couldn't get to sleep last night. Maybe it was the coffee or the 3 hour nap at 6 pm. Or all the stuff on my mind. Anyway, I finally turned the light on and wrote in my diary. It felt good. I realized I had all this pent-up anxiety from decisions I needed to make. #1 scrap any plans to do any major triathlons right now. It's just too stressful. My new goal is to get back into shape and maintain it. Get a routine. I can't think about competing right now. If a race comes along, and I have time, and I'm in shape, and it's local, I'll think about it. As usual, I bit off more than I can chew. #2 Plan on defending in December. I have way too many experiments to do, and it's not feasible to try for August. So that's what I'm telling my committee next Tuesday when I have an update. We'll map out graduation at that time. I'm putting together everything now. I wish I had more data. Why is everything so slow when I've been working so hard? At least these decisions are mine. I stand behind them and I'm in control, and that feels good.

Weight Routine

For those of you who might want to see a laundry list of my weight routine (maybe this is boring), I finally got around to weight-lifting last night. It's time to get back with the program. It was a great, 70 minute session. Probably could have made it less, but I love overdoing it. I'm not too sore...yet. Just my butt a little bit. I did lunges, dirty dog, rollies (don't you love the stupid names they give these exercises?), and side plank lifts (10x/set x 3 sets). Then, I did some Pilates stuff for my abs: double leg stretch and leg dips (2 sets of 20-30 for each). This was followed by bench press, lying triceps extension, and chest press. Back to abs: bicycle and side crunch, alternating sets (30 each--2 sets). A circuit of push-ups, triceps dips on an exercise ball, military press, and biceps curls (10 reps each x 3 sets). Abs again (my primary target): leg lifts, double crunch, rope crunch, see-saw, and crunches on ball. Whew! Wait, I'm not quite done. Isolated biceps curl on ball, triceps kick-back, lateral raises, rows, and dead lifts. Then, I finished it up with reverse crunches, side crunches on the ball, angled crunches (hanging off the bed), and oblique crunches (standing with a weight). There you have it! I like to hit all the major muscle groups.