Well, as you can by the pics below, it was a loooong drive. The bunnies did very well. I was exhausted. Jason did most of the driving. We left St. Louis on 12-23-05, drove 8 hours and stayed over in Oklahoma City the first night, 9 hours the 2nd day and stayed in Grants, NM the 2nd night, and 12 hours on the 3rd day and got to our final destination on Christmas day. Yup 1800-some miles. Ugh.
Babs got into Oscar's territory as we slept in the hotel room on the 1st night and picked a fight. We scrambled to separate them but not before he took 4 chunks out of her shoulder. Since it was Christmas Eve, and I didn't know the area, and the wounds didn't look too deep, I dressed them with Neosporin and kept an eye on them. They are not too serious, luckily, although Zena, my warrior princess, seems to have a death wish. Her wounds are healing very nicely. She stood perfectly still as I cleaned her wounds as if to say, "Mommy, I got beat up again." Ugh.
The rest of the trip was uneventful. I felt really naseous and sick by the time we stopped for lunch on the third day somewhere in AZ. I couldn't figure it out. I felt like such crap for the rest of the drive; I didn't know what had hit me. My stomach ached and cramped the whole way. My back was killing me, and I couldn't get comfortable. When we finally got to San Diego, I was also dizzy and weak and so achy, I could barely walk. Jason helped me to bed, unpacked the car, and helped me set up the bunnies, who stayed in the bedroom with me until I could feel better. Turns out, I had come down with the flu. I remained in bed for another day and a half with a fever and chills---sleeping, drinking 7-Up, and eating saltines.
I feel 100% better now. The apartment is totally unpacked, organized, cleaned, and de-bachelorized. The bunnies are settling in nicely, although Babs still doesn't get along with Oscar. She stays in the kitchen while Taz and Oscar get the rest of the apartment. When Oscar goes to rest in the bedroom, I let Babs out of the kitchen, and she and Taz roam around. I am continuing bonding sessions but Babs' jealousy of Oscar is relentless. It's hot here! 80s during the day with a light breeze and low 60s at night. It's weird. I don't start my postdoc until 1/23 so I'm getting ready to start my exercise program back up and explore San Diego. It's overwhelming and exciting. Most of all, it's wonderful to have my whole family (the buns and Jason) together again. Phew.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Say goodbye to AZ and hello to CA
We arrived in San Diego by 8 p.m. on the 3rd day, 12/25/05, after about 30 hours of driving. Ugh. I suffered from the flu for a few day afterwards. 
Sunset on 3rd day in southern AZ
I was exhausted, naseous, and feverish as we drove west towards CA. The Mexican border was on our left. We had to even pass through 2 border patrols. That was fun.
Cacti!
Everywhere! Cacti! This made me very exicted. They were growing like trees! I knew we were going south! It got really hot too! In the 80s. I guess that's because we were in the desert. We soon passed through Phoenix and continuted south.
AZ is pretty.
although the road made me really naseous. (Jason didn't have to go 80 the whole way). He kept worrying about deer jumping out at him. See the sign? I thought that was cute. I've been teasing him mercilessly about the killer deer.
Nearing the painted desert.
Here are a clump of mesas with cool, red-and-white streaks in them as we neared the border of AZ. We passed through many Indian reservations and the Painted Desert. This is the beginning of the 3rd day. 12-24-05
Sunset on the 2nd day in NM
We made it almost through NM at the end of the 2nd day. This state was more entertaining to drive through because of the numerous mesas in the background. Phew! We were tired.
Indigenous species of TX
We did see frequent cattle on expansive ranches on our drive through TX. Although these look like Angus to me, most were of the small, sturdy stock--like Longhorns, I think.
Most of TX looked like this.
Northern TX (the panhandle) was even more boring than OK. We did see an occaissional tumbleweed.
Train Station in Amarillo, TX
We saw lots of trains along the trip. Here, we're passing through Amarillo, TX on our 2nd day.
Texas = "Bushland"
We had to drive through "Bushland", which is in Texas, surpise, surprise! 12-24-05.
Southwest Missouri
Interesting cloud cover above a farm in southwest Mo at the end of the first day (12-23-05). Near the Ozarks where the dirt becomes red gravel and the grass that grows is even red.
Can you believe they gave me a Ph.D.?
Unbelievable. I still don't think it's hit me. So much has happened. I feel dazed. Jason came back from visiting his folks in Wisconsin just in time for me to get a few nights of well-deserved rest. My parents and sister flew in the day before the big day. I was starting to get a little nervous. I practiced and practiced....and practiced my talk the more nervous I got to calm myself down. We went out to dinner and had champagne. All I could think about was how nervous I was.
The next day came. The day I had been waiting for to arrive for months was finally here. How did that happen? My defense wasn't until 2 p.m....lots of time to get ancy. I woke up and tidied up the apartment (I had been doing a lot of organizing--my way of defusing stress), practiced my talk, and tried to eat. I showered, beautified and put on my suit (I love my suit--it's awesome) after much deliberation about which blouse to wear. I was so nervous at this point, I couldn't breathe. I decided to go to presentation room at school...NOW.
It was about 1:15 when I arrived. I was all nerves and butterflies. I hooked up my computer, closed the shades, checked the thermostats, my slides, the lights, the lazer pointer, attachments to the computer, made sure my coat was neatly folded; then I checked everything again. Went to the bathroom. Made sure I had a water bottle on the podium within easy access.
My parents arrived first. They kept taking pictures and asking questions. I could barely talk. People started arriving. I selected a chair to sit in and practiced deep breathing exercises. My P.I. sat next to me and gave me an encouraging smile. She asked if I was ready. I nodded and said, "Yes," faking confidence.
The fake confidence thing helped. All of a sudden, all my nervousness disappeared. It was time to deliver, to do my job. I could do this. I would get through it. She introduced me but I don't remember what she said. I know it was very flattering. Then, I got up, walked up to the podium in an eerily calm manner, dimmed the lights...and began.
It went very smoothly. I don't even think I was in my body. I made eye contact with everyone. I didn't feel like myself. I was this calm, collected person in total control of everything going on in the room. Afterwards, everyone clapped very warmly. Some people asked a few questions...nothing too difficult, and then everyone left so the private defense could begin.
By this point, I was tired, relaxed and ready to be done. The questions my committee asked were hard. Mostly because they were vague, abstract, speculative questions that I had a hard time with because I didn't understand what they were asking. I did the best I could although I do feel it could have gone a little bit more smoothly. But, in retrospect, their questions were sometimes a bit ridiculous; I think I actually did a pretty good job. The whole time, I was a bit frustrated. I kept thinking, "Are we done yet?" Silly, I know. After only 30 minutes, they let me go, closed the door, signed the form that said I had graduated, and opened it 5 minutes later to shake my hand and congratulate me.
All my friends and family congratulated me and there was quite a bit of champagne, dining, and celebrating afterwards. It was so nice to feel so supported. That was the best part. People keep asking how it feels now that it's over. How does it feel to have a Ph.D.? I have to say, it's not very different. I guess it was sort of anti-climatic afterwards and I'm not really sure why. I think I'm still a bit numb. Maybe it hasn't hit me. I know I'm tired and still recouperating. I think it's nice because it gave me a little bit of confidence so when something gets tough, I use a problem-solving approach and think, "Hey. I have a Ph.D. I can figure this out. It's kind of like having a "magic feather." Remember Dumbo? Honestly, though, I think the best part was looking into my mom and dad's faces and seeing their proud, wide smiling faces. I didn't prepare myself for that. They were SO proud, and that was the highlight of the whole defense. There's nothing in comparison to making your parents proud.
The next day came. The day I had been waiting for to arrive for months was finally here. How did that happen? My defense wasn't until 2 p.m....lots of time to get ancy. I woke up and tidied up the apartment (I had been doing a lot of organizing--my way of defusing stress), practiced my talk, and tried to eat. I showered, beautified and put on my suit (I love my suit--it's awesome) after much deliberation about which blouse to wear. I was so nervous at this point, I couldn't breathe. I decided to go to presentation room at school...NOW.
It was about 1:15 when I arrived. I was all nerves and butterflies. I hooked up my computer, closed the shades, checked the thermostats, my slides, the lights, the lazer pointer, attachments to the computer, made sure my coat was neatly folded; then I checked everything again. Went to the bathroom. Made sure I had a water bottle on the podium within easy access.
My parents arrived first. They kept taking pictures and asking questions. I could barely talk. People started arriving. I selected a chair to sit in and practiced deep breathing exercises. My P.I. sat next to me and gave me an encouraging smile. She asked if I was ready. I nodded and said, "Yes," faking confidence.
The fake confidence thing helped. All of a sudden, all my nervousness disappeared. It was time to deliver, to do my job. I could do this. I would get through it. She introduced me but I don't remember what she said. I know it was very flattering. Then, I got up, walked up to the podium in an eerily calm manner, dimmed the lights...and began.
It went very smoothly. I don't even think I was in my body. I made eye contact with everyone. I didn't feel like myself. I was this calm, collected person in total control of everything going on in the room. Afterwards, everyone clapped very warmly. Some people asked a few questions...nothing too difficult, and then everyone left so the private defense could begin.
By this point, I was tired, relaxed and ready to be done. The questions my committee asked were hard. Mostly because they were vague, abstract, speculative questions that I had a hard time with because I didn't understand what they were asking. I did the best I could although I do feel it could have gone a little bit more smoothly. But, in retrospect, their questions were sometimes a bit ridiculous; I think I actually did a pretty good job. The whole time, I was a bit frustrated. I kept thinking, "Are we done yet?" Silly, I know. After only 30 minutes, they let me go, closed the door, signed the form that said I had graduated, and opened it 5 minutes later to shake my hand and congratulate me.
All my friends and family congratulated me and there was quite a bit of champagne, dining, and celebrating afterwards. It was so nice to feel so supported. That was the best part. People keep asking how it feels now that it's over. How does it feel to have a Ph.D.? I have to say, it's not very different. I guess it was sort of anti-climatic afterwards and I'm not really sure why. I think I'm still a bit numb. Maybe it hasn't hit me. I know I'm tired and still recouperating. I think it's nice because it gave me a little bit of confidence so when something gets tough, I use a problem-solving approach and think, "Hey. I have a Ph.D. I can figure this out. It's kind of like having a "magic feather." Remember Dumbo? Honestly, though, I think the best part was looking into my mom and dad's faces and seeing their proud, wide smiling faces. I didn't prepare myself for that. They were SO proud, and that was the highlight of the whole defense. There's nothing in comparison to making your parents proud.
Monday, December 19, 2005
closing a chapter
Well, tomorrow is the big day. I present and hopefully don't trip and fall on my face, throw up, or pee my pants. If I can avoid those things, I think I'll do alright. Jason is home, and I feel 100% better. I'm sleeping SO much better, going to bed earlier, and waking up earlier too. Thank, God! We're pretty much packed, I've cleared out the lab, and we're ready for San Diego. We leave Thursday for the long, 3-day drive with the bunnies 1800 miles across country. Next time I blog, I will be in San Diego, and I will be a doctor. Isn't that funny? It's a whirlwind right now. I can't believe this is happening.
Friday, December 16, 2005
the evil of sleeping pills
So I told my doctor about my insomnia and she insisted on an Rx for sleeping pills--Ambien. I have to say, it f*cked me up and left me feeling worse than a couple of nights of no sleep. I was pretty wound up when I popped one at 11:30. I laid down on the couch (because my bed sucks) and began flipping through magazines, petting the buns, and watching t.v. Very relaxing. I got up to turn some lights off and realized I was having a hard time balancing. I felt like I was falling with every step I took. Having had a lot of prior experience feeling kind of messed up (another story, another time), I made my way back to the sofa and laid down. The magazines were too heavy to flip through anymore. I petted Babs for a little while longer, but I was worried my hand was to heavy on her head because I couldn't really sense it. My limbs felt like dead weight. I realized everything on the t.v. was multiplying--no matter how I focused--everything was in double. And there was a haze in front of everything. I felt more relaxed then anything but I moved to the bed and then fell into a deep coma until 11 this morning when I was awakend by a screaming headache that required 3 ibuprofens and 20 minutes of meditation before I could even think of getting up without my head spinning. I still feel really out of it, and I have to give my practice talk in half-an-hour. Moral of the story---don't take sleeping pills for insomnia; take them for a fun time. If you have lots of free time.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Nocturnalia
I'm making up a new word--Nocturnalia--people who can't sleep at night, even though they want to. That's me. It's getting serious. I didn't fall asleep until 6 a.m. this morning. I slept until 1 p.m. Like a zombie. I dreamt about my postdoc. I guess, in my mind, I've already graduated. I even set up a start-date with my new P.I. January 23rd. That way, I get enough free time, without too much free time.
Last night, after a hectic day at lab (my 2nd, 1st-author paper has just been accepted! Yipee!), I walked home, exhausted, the long night before starting to catch up with me. Feeling the effects of sleep deprivation, I knew I needed to just get in the car and run my errands or I would fall asleep on the couch and take a nap. I jumped in the car and drove to the grocery store--Trader Joe's for me, and then Dierberg's for fresh greens for the bunnies (they are very spoiled). I got some very nice frames for a photo I'm giving to my P.I. as a gift. Then, I went to PetsMart, got the last batch of bunny litter that I will ever need in St. Louis, purchased the biggest 2-door dog crate that would fit in the back-seat of my little Corolla (36" x 24") for the bunnies on the drive to San Diego, and found some awesome chewable toys for the buns in the bird section (they have been fighting over them since I gave them to them). The bunnies get gifts too!
After running around, I was exhausted. I got ready for bed and fell asleep around 10 p.m. Then, I woke up at midnight and couldn't fall back asleep! Apparently, my body thought it was a nap! Unfortunately, I was too tired to exercise at that point, which is probably what I should have done. Instead, I practiced my presentation, which wound me up even more. Then, I wrapped presents with awesome, home-made wrapping paper (from artsy magazine pages), and sketched and finished all my drawings for the calendar I'm putting together for holiday gifts.
At 5, I went back to bed, very exhausted at this point. I still couldn't fall asleep, even though I was physically very tired. Finally, I drifted off into a coma at 6 and was dead to the world until after 1. Jason needs to come back from Wisconsin so I can get some sleep!
Last night, after a hectic day at lab (my 2nd, 1st-author paper has just been accepted! Yipee!), I walked home, exhausted, the long night before starting to catch up with me. Feeling the effects of sleep deprivation, I knew I needed to just get in the car and run my errands or I would fall asleep on the couch and take a nap. I jumped in the car and drove to the grocery store--Trader Joe's for me, and then Dierberg's for fresh greens for the bunnies (they are very spoiled). I got some very nice frames for a photo I'm giving to my P.I. as a gift. Then, I went to PetsMart, got the last batch of bunny litter that I will ever need in St. Louis, purchased the biggest 2-door dog crate that would fit in the back-seat of my little Corolla (36" x 24") for the bunnies on the drive to San Diego, and found some awesome chewable toys for the buns in the bird section (they have been fighting over them since I gave them to them). The bunnies get gifts too!
After running around, I was exhausted. I got ready for bed and fell asleep around 10 p.m. Then, I woke up at midnight and couldn't fall back asleep! Apparently, my body thought it was a nap! Unfortunately, I was too tired to exercise at that point, which is probably what I should have done. Instead, I practiced my presentation, which wound me up even more. Then, I wrapped presents with awesome, home-made wrapping paper (from artsy magazine pages), and sketched and finished all my drawings for the calendar I'm putting together for holiday gifts.
At 5, I went back to bed, very exhausted at this point. I still couldn't fall asleep, even though I was physically very tired. Finally, I drifted off into a coma at 6 and was dead to the world until after 1. Jason needs to come back from Wisconsin so I can get some sleep!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Going crazy
I think I'm going crazy. I went through all my lab stuff and organized and threw stuff out. I was all wound up so I hopped on the treadmill, had an awesome, energetic run, lifted weights, changed bunny litterboxes, vacuumed, did 5 loads of laundry, and then went through the apartment and threw out stuff I can't take with me (8 big black garbage bags). I also made a huge pile of stuff for give-away or Goodwill. I made wrapping paper out of colorful magazine pages and wrapped presents for my family until I ran out of tape. I tried to sleep but couldn't so I got out of bed at 4:30 and practiced my thesis presentation before finally falling asleep around 6. What is wrong with me?!
Friday, December 09, 2005
In transition
I finally got some sleep yesterday. I was exhausted from another long night of no sleep. You know it's bad when you end up watching the 5:00 a.m. news because you can't sleep. I still couldn't fall asleep until 2 a.m., but once I did, I slept like a zombie. I didn't wake up until 2 p.m. the next day. I decided to skip lab for the day and get caught up with everything at home and get rested. I ended up taking another nap from 6:30 to 8:30 and then, of course, not being able to fall asleep until around 3 a.m. I slept pretty well after that. I had to wake up early to take Babs to the vet (she's fine--just a precautionary visit) so that kind of sucked but at least I'll probably sleep well tonight. My mind has been a little more at ease lately.
I finally went for a run and lifted weights last night, which definitely helped me sleep. It made me feel SO much better. However, when you're exhausted, you feel sick and don't want to work out, which is why I've been skipping my workouts lately. :( I'm hoping to get back into a routine...finally.
I've felt more at ease about lab lately. A tech has been helping me with experiments , and i've just been getting ready for my defense on the 20th. I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'm just thinking of it as another presentation. As far as experiments go, since my thesis is turned in, I kind of feel like I'm in a lame duck session. I've been working my ass off so I deserve to give myself a break, especially with all the stress. It'll feel soooo good to be done with it all! I get excited and pretty wound up about moving to San Diego...and being with Jason again.
I'm getting ready to move. I'm not too worried about. Everything is already out there. I'm just winding things up here. I had my last hair appointment, my last dentist appointment, my last massage, last doctor's appointment, last vet appointment, last bunny cleaning volunteering session, etc., etc. My friend remarked that it sounded like I was on death row...like I was having my last meal and last everything. It is the last everything though...for the St. Louis chapter in my life. I'm closing this segement of my life down and getting ready to be reborn...in San Diego...as a postdoc. So it is kind of like a death, in a way. A good way.
Question of the Day:
What event in your life has made you go through a major transition?
I finally went for a run and lifted weights last night, which definitely helped me sleep. It made me feel SO much better. However, when you're exhausted, you feel sick and don't want to work out, which is why I've been skipping my workouts lately. :( I'm hoping to get back into a routine...finally.
I've felt more at ease about lab lately. A tech has been helping me with experiments , and i've just been getting ready for my defense on the 20th. I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'm just thinking of it as another presentation. As far as experiments go, since my thesis is turned in, I kind of feel like I'm in a lame duck session. I've been working my ass off so I deserve to give myself a break, especially with all the stress. It'll feel soooo good to be done with it all! I get excited and pretty wound up about moving to San Diego...and being with Jason again.
I'm getting ready to move. I'm not too worried about. Everything is already out there. I'm just winding things up here. I had my last hair appointment, my last dentist appointment, my last massage, last doctor's appointment, last vet appointment, last bunny cleaning volunteering session, etc., etc. My friend remarked that it sounded like I was on death row...like I was having my last meal and last everything. It is the last everything though...for the St. Louis chapter in my life. I'm closing this segement of my life down and getting ready to be reborn...in San Diego...as a postdoc. So it is kind of like a death, in a way. A good way.
Question of the Day:
What event in your life has made you go through a major transition?
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Question of the Day
What's your favorite workout song?
I love anything with a good beat. Right now, my favorites are:
1. let's get it started
Black Eyed Peas
2. Jerk It Out
The Caesars
3. Name of the Game
The Crystal Method
4. One More Time
Daft Punk
5. Personal Jesus
Depeche Mode
6. Survivor
Destiny's Child
7. Blue
Eiffel 65
8. Lose Yourself
Eminem
9. Right Here, Right Now
Rockafeller Skank
10. Clint Eastwood
Gorillaz
I love anything with a good beat. Right now, my favorites are:
1. let's get it started
Black Eyed Peas
2. Jerk It Out
The Caesars
3. Name of the Game
The Crystal Method
4. One More Time
Daft Punk
5. Personal Jesus
Depeche Mode
6. Survivor
Destiny's Child
7. Blue
Eiffel 65
8. Lose Yourself
Eminem
9. Right Here, Right Now
Rockafeller Skank
10. Clint Eastwood
Gorillaz
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Stress and Insomnia
I can't believe how crazy my life has been. I turned my thesis in yesterday! All 100 pages of it. To all 6 of my committee members. It felt good. Now, I'm working on my presentation. Exactly two weeks from today. I can't believe it. I'm excited and terrified.
I finally slept without the aid of Benadryl for the first time in weeks. I have had the WORST insomnia lately. It sucks. Some scientists are studying the link between sleep deprivation and weight gain. Duh! You're too tired to work out! There's no mystery!
Jason will be coming back soon. It was sooooo nice to see him over Thanksgiving. I slept like a baby. It's weird how bonded you get to someone you're married to--on a subconscious level. We'll have been together 9 years this February. I can't believe that. It seems like we just met yesterday!
I'm hoping now that my thesis has been turned in and I feel more on track that I will be able to get my life in order--mainly sleeping and waking like a normal person and exercising on a daily basis. I feel like such a fat pig! I'm also a complete night owl. When I'm stressed, I don't fall asleep until 4 a.m., and I wake up at 2 p.m.! What the hell?! If I'm really stressed, I don't sleep at all. Then, it's easy to wake up early. I guess that's the only upside to not being able to sleep. It's easy to get out of bed in the morning. I'm still getting hives too. I can't wait for this to all be over, and for Jason to be back by my side so I can get some zzzz's!
Question of the Day:
What's your favorite cure for insomnia?
I finally slept without the aid of Benadryl for the first time in weeks. I have had the WORST insomnia lately. It sucks. Some scientists are studying the link between sleep deprivation and weight gain. Duh! You're too tired to work out! There's no mystery!
Jason will be coming back soon. It was sooooo nice to see him over Thanksgiving. I slept like a baby. It's weird how bonded you get to someone you're married to--on a subconscious level. We'll have been together 9 years this February. I can't believe that. It seems like we just met yesterday!
I'm hoping now that my thesis has been turned in and I feel more on track that I will be able to get my life in order--mainly sleeping and waking like a normal person and exercising on a daily basis. I feel like such a fat pig! I'm also a complete night owl. When I'm stressed, I don't fall asleep until 4 a.m., and I wake up at 2 p.m.! What the hell?! If I'm really stressed, I don't sleep at all. Then, it's easy to wake up early. I guess that's the only upside to not being able to sleep. It's easy to get out of bed in the morning. I'm still getting hives too. I can't wait for this to all be over, and for Jason to be back by my side so I can get some zzzz's!
Question of the Day:
What's your favorite cure for insomnia?
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Crunch Time
The 1-month countdown has begun. 3 weeks until I have to turn in my thesis and less than 3 more until my defense. I've never been so busy. I've been in lab until midnight the past 3 days in a row (including Sunday). At least I've been very productive.
I feel very out of balance and depressed that I haven't been more physically active. I come home exhausted and can't sleep. Lately, I've been falling asleep on the couch in front of the t.v. and then moving to the bed so I can "trick" myself into sleeping. That's worked pretty well.
It was 18 degrees F when I woke up this morning. I am trying to savor (what there is to savor) about this weather because I'll never have to endure it again once I'm in San Diego. Darn. P.S. Cold weather sucks.
I have been painting some and that feels really good. The bunnies have been a great comfort. Oscar woke me up this morning, grunting and running around and rattling the fence. He's so silly. Jason comes to visit next week for Thanksgiving. I can't wait. I miss him so much. (My body does too.) Then, at least I can stop lustfully daydreaming about every man (and woman) that walks past.
I feel very out of balance and depressed that I haven't been more physically active. I come home exhausted and can't sleep. Lately, I've been falling asleep on the couch in front of the t.v. and then moving to the bed so I can "trick" myself into sleeping. That's worked pretty well.
It was 18 degrees F when I woke up this morning. I am trying to savor (what there is to savor) about this weather because I'll never have to endure it again once I'm in San Diego. Darn. P.S. Cold weather sucks.
I have been painting some and that feels really good. The bunnies have been a great comfort. Oscar woke me up this morning, grunting and running around and rattling the fence. He's so silly. Jason comes to visit next week for Thanksgiving. I can't wait. I miss him so much. (My body does too.) Then, at least I can stop lustfully daydreaming about every man (and woman) that walks past.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
staying motivated
With the days getting shorter and the nights getting colder, I have a harder and harder time getting off the sofa. Especially now that there are not many races to look forward to in the near future, it's espeically hard to stick with it. So the question of the day is:
What keeps you motivated?
For me, I think about how good it will feel afterwards. Sometimes, I put my gym bag in the car and go straight to my workout after lab. Whatever I do, I don't go home. It's just too tempting to collapse and do nothing. Also, if I have a favorite tv show to watch, I exercise while watching it. It's great multitasking. I also like to make new music playlists to listen to while running. In addition, there are a lot of little road races in the off-season. These keep me honest and give me something to look forward to. Some nights, however, I just have some Ghirardelli dark chocolate and collapse on the couch while watching Survivor.
What keeps you motivated?
For me, I think about how good it will feel afterwards. Sometimes, I put my gym bag in the car and go straight to my workout after lab. Whatever I do, I don't go home. It's just too tempting to collapse and do nothing. Also, if I have a favorite tv show to watch, I exercise while watching it. It's great multitasking. I also like to make new music playlists to listen to while running. In addition, there are a lot of little road races in the off-season. These keep me honest and give me something to look forward to. Some nights, however, I just have some Ghirardelli dark chocolate and collapse on the couch while watching Survivor.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Little and Often
Your comments about "Why do you race?" were awesome! They made me feel like I'm on the right track. Thanks a lot.
It just got me thinking....I'm going through one of the most stressful times of my life right now and trying to maintain balance. What keeps you going when life gets hectic? Especially since the holidays are coming up, I thought this might be an important issue to ponder over.
I am definitely an all or nothing person. If I can't do it right, why do it at all? It's hard for me to do a little bit each day to sustain myself over a long period of time. However, I've learned that I get burnt out if I try to do everything all the time.
My motto is: little and often. If I can do a little bit each day, I will slowly progress and the pieces will fall into place eventually. Right now, I'm focusing on doing something active each day. Even if my training plan isn't perfect, and I run too much, that's okay. Even if I only swim for 30 minutes or do Yoga on a day where I'm exhausted. It's okay. Just do something. And don't make a huge deal out of it.
Sometimes, I get so hung up on perfection, it saps the fun right out of it, and I forget why I love to "tri" in the first place. I focus so much on my heart rate, my tempo, my form, my RPMs, whatever, that I forget to be in the moment. Now is a great time to leave the heart rate monitor at home, take the cyclocomputer off the bike, and just get out there and ride, or run, or swim, without making such a big deal out of it.
The task for myself this week? To just be. Get in the moment and relish each workout. I'm so fortunate to have a healthy, fit body that can carry me through all the challenges I ask it do. And that's awesome. I'm so lucky to live in an area where I can run and ride outside, and it's gorgeous.
It just got me thinking....I'm going through one of the most stressful times of my life right now and trying to maintain balance. What keeps you going when life gets hectic? Especially since the holidays are coming up, I thought this might be an important issue to ponder over.
I am definitely an all or nothing person. If I can't do it right, why do it at all? It's hard for me to do a little bit each day to sustain myself over a long period of time. However, I've learned that I get burnt out if I try to do everything all the time.
My motto is: little and often. If I can do a little bit each day, I will slowly progress and the pieces will fall into place eventually. Right now, I'm focusing on doing something active each day. Even if my training plan isn't perfect, and I run too much, that's okay. Even if I only swim for 30 minutes or do Yoga on a day where I'm exhausted. It's okay. Just do something. And don't make a huge deal out of it.
Sometimes, I get so hung up on perfection, it saps the fun right out of it, and I forget why I love to "tri" in the first place. I focus so much on my heart rate, my tempo, my form, my RPMs, whatever, that I forget to be in the moment. Now is a great time to leave the heart rate monitor at home, take the cyclocomputer off the bike, and just get out there and ride, or run, or swim, without making such a big deal out of it.
The task for myself this week? To just be. Get in the moment and relish each workout. I'm so fortunate to have a healthy, fit body that can carry me through all the challenges I ask it do. And that's awesome. I'm so lucky to live in an area where I can run and ride outside, and it's gorgeous.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Why do you race?
I've been in a slump lately. I'm in the thick of it so I can't really figure out what ails me, although I'm sure I could pinpoint if I tried to psychoanalyze myself, but it wouldn't change the fact that I feel like shit.
One thing I thought of was how much this one guy bugged me this weekend. He likes to start an argument for the sake of it sometimes, which I HATE because I get really passionate and emotional about my opinions.
This guy is an experienced runner and does marathons. He's very fast and good and all that but he knows it, and tells everyone how great he is, which I find very annoying. Anyway, he proceeded to tell me that triathletes were simply retired runners and that triathletes that ran road races aren't considered "real runners" among other "runners" in the running community. He also said he could be "competitive" in running but not in triathlon because to be "competitive" it's like a full-time job.
This was an insult to me because I do triathlon, and it's not a full-time job for me, and I like to consider myself "competitive." Then, he pointed out that I had "won" my age group in a triathlon but that the field was really small and I could never win in my age group in a road race. It was obvious he had no respect for me as an endurance athlete at all.
Needless to say, I was pretty insulted. I may not train 40 hours a week (which elite Ironman athletes don't do either), but I still train a minimum of 8-10 hours a week! That's not insignificant in my opinion! And just because I don't race to "win" doesn't mean that I'm not competitive.
I still get kind of enraged when I think about what he said to me. However, it got me thinking.....I would probably be doing this for a lot longer than he will be because my attitude is different. Why do you race? Why do I race? Why does anyone race? For some, it's to win...something that is not totally in their control. The outcome of a race can totally destroy them if someone else is a little faster than them that day.
For me, it's a spiritual journey. I could be all alone, which sometimes you are in a triathlon, and it wouldn't matter. I work just as hard as anyone else but I have a different sort of inner mental toughness at the start of the race, which I maintain throughout.
My goal is to always feel good at the end--to accomplish something. I race against myself; I try to be a little better; I try to enjoy the benefits of all the hard work I've done. If I can pass people along the way, great. But I accept that there will always be someone faster and stronger than me. Better than me...at everything. To be a small fish in a big pond and keep swimming everyday, I have to think like this. And it's okay. Because I am a unique individual, and I will be a transformed by the end of the race--a little different. And I think this makes me mentally stronger than those who can be frustrated by variables they have no control over, like how much faster someone else is--although it's great to pass these kind of people because in the end, I don't care, and that baffles them.
Which brings me to the question....Why do you race?
One thing I thought of was how much this one guy bugged me this weekend. He likes to start an argument for the sake of it sometimes, which I HATE because I get really passionate and emotional about my opinions.
This guy is an experienced runner and does marathons. He's very fast and good and all that but he knows it, and tells everyone how great he is, which I find very annoying. Anyway, he proceeded to tell me that triathletes were simply retired runners and that triathletes that ran road races aren't considered "real runners" among other "runners" in the running community. He also said he could be "competitive" in running but not in triathlon because to be "competitive" it's like a full-time job.
This was an insult to me because I do triathlon, and it's not a full-time job for me, and I like to consider myself "competitive." Then, he pointed out that I had "won" my age group in a triathlon but that the field was really small and I could never win in my age group in a road race. It was obvious he had no respect for me as an endurance athlete at all.
Needless to say, I was pretty insulted. I may not train 40 hours a week (which elite Ironman athletes don't do either), but I still train a minimum of 8-10 hours a week! That's not insignificant in my opinion! And just because I don't race to "win" doesn't mean that I'm not competitive.
I still get kind of enraged when I think about what he said to me. However, it got me thinking.....I would probably be doing this for a lot longer than he will be because my attitude is different. Why do you race? Why do I race? Why does anyone race? For some, it's to win...something that is not totally in their control. The outcome of a race can totally destroy them if someone else is a little faster than them that day.
For me, it's a spiritual journey. I could be all alone, which sometimes you are in a triathlon, and it wouldn't matter. I work just as hard as anyone else but I have a different sort of inner mental toughness at the start of the race, which I maintain throughout.
My goal is to always feel good at the end--to accomplish something. I race against myself; I try to be a little better; I try to enjoy the benefits of all the hard work I've done. If I can pass people along the way, great. But I accept that there will always be someone faster and stronger than me. Better than me...at everything. To be a small fish in a big pond and keep swimming everyday, I have to think like this. And it's okay. Because I am a unique individual, and I will be a transformed by the end of the race--a little different. And I think this makes me mentally stronger than those who can be frustrated by variables they have no control over, like how much faster someone else is--although it's great to pass these kind of people because in the end, I don't care, and that baffles them.
Which brings me to the question....Why do you race?
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Fat Cat
Hey, kitty! Put down the Kibbles 'N Bits!
even our pets are getting fat.
at least, I will always have a job!
Quote of the Day
Great for an answering machine:
"This is the Great Theatre of Life.
Admission is free but the taxation is mortal.
You come when you can, and leave when you must.
The show is continuous.
Good-night."
Robertson Davies
The Cunning Man
"This is the Great Theatre of Life.
Admission is free but the taxation is mortal.
You come when you can, and leave when you must.
The show is continuous.
Good-night."
Robertson Davies
The Cunning Man
How NOT to have an R&R Week
All I can say is: do what I say, not as I do. Between my presentations, the MCB "retreat", my birthday, Halloween partying, and Bab's surgery last week, it was a good thing I decided to have an R&R week. However, I did absolutely NO exercise the entire week, which was not the idea. The idea was to reduce the volume, not eliminate it. I should have still done something. Yoga, walking, team sports, etc....
Anyway, I've finally been getting back into this week. Luckily, I didn't lose too much fitness, I feel well-rested, fresh, and excited about my workouts, which is the whole point of having an R&R week. So, oh well. I ran and weight-lifted Tuesday and biked Wednesday.
Each workout fills me with excitement and energy. It makes me feel very spiritual and creative. I am totally going with it--not holding back. I've posted little motivational sayings all around my apartment; I made a new one last night, my new mantra: "Here and Now." It reminds me to be in the present moment and to live each day fully so that I can reap the benefits of all my hard work. I like it...it's a good one. My friends think I should staple the "Calm Down" post to my forehead. Ha, ha. Other sayings I like include, "Little and often," and "Turn up the frequency."
After my bike ride, I ended my workout session by practicing my "model walk" after watching "America's Top Model" just for fun. Then, I had a little singing and dancing session with my iPod. Finally, since I was all sweaty after my bike ride, I did a little naked Yoga session. Ah, the joys of living in an apartment all alone. Needless to say, I'm definitely taking advantage of the situation.
Anyway, I've finally been getting back into this week. Luckily, I didn't lose too much fitness, I feel well-rested, fresh, and excited about my workouts, which is the whole point of having an R&R week. So, oh well. I ran and weight-lifted Tuesday and biked Wednesday.
Each workout fills me with excitement and energy. It makes me feel very spiritual and creative. I am totally going with it--not holding back. I've posted little motivational sayings all around my apartment; I made a new one last night, my new mantra: "Here and Now." It reminds me to be in the present moment and to live each day fully so that I can reap the benefits of all my hard work. I like it...it's a good one. My friends think I should staple the "Calm Down" post to my forehead. Ha, ha. Other sayings I like include, "Little and often," and "Turn up the frequency."
After my bike ride, I ended my workout session by practicing my "model walk" after watching "America's Top Model" just for fun. Then, I had a little singing and dancing session with my iPod. Finally, since I was all sweaty after my bike ride, I did a little naked Yoga session. Ah, the joys of living in an apartment all alone. Needless to say, I'm definitely taking advantage of the situation.
Question of the Day
If you were granted one wish, what would it be?
My answer:
For Jason to succeed in graduate school and gain confidence by doing so.
My answer:
For Jason to succeed in graduate school and gain confidence by doing so.
Birthday Recap
I had an awesome birthday, needless to say. Below are the best gifts I received, top 3, in order:
1. earrings my sister made for me
2. the Rabbit, from Jason
3. Devil thong from my friend, which I modeled for everyone with my costume last weekend.
Thanks, guys! So awesome!
1. earrings my sister made for me
2. the Rabbit, from Jason
3. Devil thong from my friend, which I modeled for everyone with my costume last weekend.
Thanks, guys! So awesome!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Halloween Weekend
I had a great weekend. It was very busy but also a lot of fun. Thursday, my friends took me out and treated me to a very nice sushi, birthday dinner. Friday, I was out of town for a retreat with my fellow grad students. Out in the boondocks somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I presented my stuff in front of everyone (including my committee chair) on Saturday (for the second time that week), which was great practice. Came home, got ready, and went out Saturday night for Halloween (see pics below).
We went to the street party in the CWE. Everyone was dressed up. It was awesome. This one girl was a giant, air-filled penis and balls. She was jumping around and very animated. It was hilarious. The BLT got a ton of attention. They were all jumping around and body-slamming each other. I got a lot of attention too. Some guys said something like, "Take it off, baby!" I just turned around and gave them a hard stare, and they totally backed off. The best comment I got was, "Are those real." "Yup. My dad has them. His dad has them..." What idiots.
We were getting very cold as the temperature began to drop (especially the Playboy bunnies) so we walked down the street to Club Viva!, which is this awesome dance club. I danced with everyone there, and learned a few salsa dance steps, trying not to trip with my 3"-heeled boots. When Viva closed, we made our way back to a friend's apartment (above mine so very convenient) and continued the dance party until about 4 a.m. Needless to say, I didn't do very much on Sunday. Except sleep off a hangover. Hope everyone else had a blast too!
We went to the street party in the CWE. Everyone was dressed up. It was awesome. This one girl was a giant, air-filled penis and balls. She was jumping around and very animated. It was hilarious. The BLT got a ton of attention. They were all jumping around and body-slamming each other. I got a lot of attention too. Some guys said something like, "Take it off, baby!" I just turned around and gave them a hard stare, and they totally backed off. The best comment I got was, "Are those real." "Yup. My dad has them. His dad has them..." What idiots.
We were getting very cold as the temperature began to drop (especially the Playboy bunnies) so we walked down the street to Club Viva!, which is this awesome dance club. I danced with everyone there, and learned a few salsa dance steps, trying not to trip with my 3"-heeled boots. When Viva closed, we made our way back to a friend's apartment (above mine so very convenient) and continued the dance party until about 4 a.m. Needless to say, I didn't do very much on Sunday. Except sleep off a hangover. Hope everyone else had a blast too!
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