Monday, October 19, 2009
Just as I start to come through the fog, I am dealt with another blow. I now realize doing Ironman Canada with the stomach flu was the trigger for a 6-week bout of depression. It left me so depleted. It was my body's way of telling me to rest. So I rested. I recognized the signs of depression and did what I needed to do to take care of myself and get better. And just as I started to improve, now I have to go through this. I don't really want to get into all the gory details right now, especially because I am in the ANGER stage, which can be ugly.
Okay, so I'm going through a tough break-up. Ugh. There, I said it. At first, my reaction was, "Oh, no. I'm going to have to go home and cry and be depressed again. And I was just starting to feel better!" And then I decided, "I'm TIRED of being depressed. I'm NOT going to be depressed any more. I am going to get on with my life." The decision was made. I dried my tears and went to work.
I refuse to go into hibernation. I choose to heal. I am strong, and I am perfectly capable of caring for myself. Now is my time to be selfish. Do all the things I've always wanted to do but couldn't because HE didn't want to. Alec's room will be my new art studio to work on painting and writing. The loft will be converted from a playroom to a home gym. I found a friend with horses who is going to let me start riding again. I'm looking for a doggie to adopt. I can't wait for all these things. I have many exciting projects and activities to look forward to and many friends to catch up with.
I've been staying busy. My rest time from Ironman Canada is over. I'm out of hibernation. I'm working out again. For fun. For mental well-being. I ran on Saturday with some friends and then biked with them on Sunday. I didn't bring a watch. I didn't look at my computer. I just wanted to work out with friends. It was great. This break-up is going to get me in the best shape of my life! I will kick Ironman Utah's ass!
I believe everything happens for a reason. I can do better. I deserve better. Like a phoenix that is destroyed and then rises from the ashes, I will come back stronger than before. Afterall, I am an Ironman.