Monday, October 19, 2009

Phoenix Rising


Just as I start to come through the fog, I am dealt with another blow. I now realize doing Ironman Canada with the stomach flu was the trigger for a 6-week bout of depression. It left me so depleted. It was my body's way of telling me to rest. So I rested. I recognized the signs of depression and did what I needed to do to take care of myself and get better. And just as I started to improve, now I have to go through this. I don't really want to get into all the gory details right now, especially because I am in the ANGER stage, which can be ugly.

Okay, so I'm going through a tough break-up. Ugh. There, I said it. At first, my reaction was, "Oh, no. I'm going to have to go home and cry and be depressed again. And I was just starting to feel better!" And then I decided, "I'm TIRED of being depressed. I'm NOT going to be depressed any more. I am going to get on with my life." The decision was made. I dried my tears and went to work.

I refuse to go into hibernation. I choose to heal. I am strong, and I am perfectly capable of caring for myself. Now is my time to be selfish. Do all the things I've always wanted to do but couldn't because HE didn't want to. Alec's room will be my new art studio to work on painting and writing. The loft will be converted from a playroom to a home gym. I found a friend with horses who is going to let me start riding again. I'm looking for a doggie to adopt. I can't wait for all these things. I have many exciting projects and activities to look forward to and many friends to catch up with.

I've been staying busy. My rest time from Ironman Canada is over. I'm out of hibernation. I'm working out again. For fun. For mental well-being. I ran on Saturday with some friends and then biked with them on Sunday. I didn't bring a watch. I didn't look at my computer. I just wanted to work out with friends. It was great. This break-up is going to get me in the best shape of my life! I will kick Ironman Utah's ass!

I believe everything happens for a reason. I can do better. I deserve better. Like a phoenix that is destroyed and then rises from the ashes, I will come back stronger than before. Afterall, I am an Ironman.

16 comments:

Krista said...

Sounds like the right attitude! I'm glad to hear you are feeling better and stronger!

EatRunLitigate said...

I admire your strength! Good luck with everything!

Diana said...

"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations."
I love that quote, just can't remember where I got it from! Sorry to the author!
Sounds like you have unveiled everything and taking your life where you want it to be! Kudos to you Rachel for being a strong ass person ready for anything. Welcome back!
I love the idea of a painting and writing room-I'm sure you'll make good use of that, you're writing is fun to read, whether it's something sad or happy, it's great writing! ;-)
Looking forward to reading some kick ass workouts.........I wish I could get out there and teach you some kettlebell stuff, but I do know a lot of CA instructors!

bunnygirl said...

Good for you! We can't always control our feelings, but we can control our actions. Seek your bliss. And pet the bunnies.

Leah said...

Hang in there and stay strong. You're very wise to embrace the situation and do all the things you want to do for yourself. That is the best way to heal.

Bob D said...

Sounds like you have your head on right, so you'll work through it. I think the doggie is a great idea. They're great companions, always glad to see you, and can give you a positive focus. Luck!

Jack said...

Iron rusts if left sitting around, keep moving and don't look back!

Wes said...

I am strong, and I am perfectly capable of caring for myself.

Well, duh... and I might add... You will be fine :-)

Renee said...

You are an incredible woman! Keep going and keep moving! I am glad to hear you are going to be riding again!

Kate said...

Oh, Rachel I am so sorry to hear about that! I am glad you're starting to feel better, and ENJOY beiing selfish!

Shawn said...

Stay strong and focused! I can't wait to hear about what kind of dog you will get!

LG said...

no watch. no computer - just you and your activities -- PERFECT!!

the only thing we can control in life is our attitude so choose wisely -- and you HAVE!!

I don't think I can keep up with you all that much on the bike but I'll certainly try if you need/want a riding buddy ;)

Nicole said...

You are so doing the right thing for yourself right now! I remember with one of my breakups that it pretty much ran my life for two months. I'm sure that they weren't crying over me for two months! After that, I vowed that if I had another break-up, I would not let that person have that much power over me again!! Stay strong!!

IronVince: IM WI 2009 and Beyond said...

Looking back your IM Canada race report I keep coming back to the sentence, "Completing an Ironman makes me feel like a superhero." You've completed two of them. Superheroes can accomplish anything. Even when Superman faces kryptonite, he figures out at way to get past it.

You are a superhero. You will conquer this as well.

Be well.

IronVince: IM WI 2009 and Beyond said...

PS. Time to update the countdown clock. How many days until Utah?

Caroline said...

You will get through this!! I love your outlook and determination, and know this difficult time will soon pass and bring new gifts.