To the girl swimming in my lane at masters the other morning:
I'm sorry I moved into your lane after the warm-up. The coach told me to because I was just too fast for the slow lane. I'm sorry I kept hitting your feet during the set. I tried really hard not to bump into you; it wasn't intentional. I tried to slow down and swim your pace but it was really hard for me go that slowly. I kept having to stop and put my head up and doggie paddle, waiting for you to move ahead. I'm sorry I asked if I could go in front of you in between sets. I didn't think you would mind since I kept bumping into you anyway. I'm sorry I was having a good day and swimming so fast. I'm sorry you couldn't keep up. I'm sorry it pissed you off so much that you scowled at me when I introduced myself and refused to tell me your name. I'm sorry you had to get out early. I hope it wasn't because I exhausted you. I'm really sorry you couldn't take a little ass-kickin'. Maybe you should learn how to swim if it pisses you off so much. I think I could lend you some floaties from my boyfriend's son to assist you. Anyway, I wanted to let you know how truly sorry I am.