Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Monday Blues

Today started badly but ended well. I woke up late with a splitting headache. Someone in lab said it might be the change in pressure from the Santa Ana winds. It was so intense, it made me naseous. Ibuprofen did nothing. It wasn't until I had a strong dose of coffee that my blood vessels constricted enough to relieve the pounding blood in my head.

In lab, I thought today would be the day I would meet with my PI and other post docs in the lab to go over projects. But everyone was very busy so I was sort of pushed to the side. I wouldn't have minded but these people had told me we would meet today so I had written it in my calendar as an appointment and had even prepared by re-reading relevant papers and outlining notes. So I spent the day reading and outlining. I'm hoping to demonstrate that I'm not an idiot when we do meet so that I can ask intelligent questions and have an interactive discussion. The thing that bugged me most was that when I tried to find a concrete or even semi-concrete time and date to reschedule, no one could give me a direct answer. So I have to keep bugging people and following them around. I feel like a nuisance.

Needless to say, I was kind of down by the time I got home. Babs let me hold her in my arms for over 30 minutes. She's such a doll. Well, to me, at least. I got angry over the events of the day, which got my blood pressure going. This ended up being a good thing because I felt like I needed to burn off some steam. I went down to the gym and had a really productive weight-lifting session, followed by an intense 4-mile run on the treadmill with speed and hill sets. I felt a surge of energy afterwards and ran around the house doing chores.

Now, I feel much calmer and more stable. I know it will take a while to settle into my new environment and work with different people. Tomorrow will be a better day. I feel more in control and things are in perspective. (That's why I love exercise.) I did nothing wrong and having nothing to feel guilty about. I will continue doing my best and be patient. Patience is not my best attribute. But things will fall into place. Sigh.


Rita said...

I'm sorry you're having a hard time meeting with everyone. You can't take it personally. They're just super busy and maybe some have presentations or grants to turn in. I think it's great that you're exercising and exploring your city! I think you hit it right on the head in your lab paragraph...patience. When I came to room 829 this past summer I was terrified and felt like a total outsider. I'd keep quiet and not say much, but by and by I realized that this was my academic home for the next 3 yrs. and now I can't wait to come to lab!

Hope all is well, Rachel!

Rachel said...

thanks for your encouragement, rita! i miss you.

Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY!
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